I was never a strong follower. My parents growing up had a fairly lose view of the Bible and God in general. I was only rarely forced to goto church and even that stopped by the time I was old enough to say I would rather stay home. With such a relaxed view of religion it was hard not to believe cause I never really had need to question it. Life was good and God wasn't in my face. I just assumed what my parents and grandparents said was true.
My father believed that God might have been some name man gave to Aliens who landed and altered our DNA. Now he is a huge fan of the show Ancient Aliens. Honestly I think he just gets joy out of me arguing with him how that show is bullshit.
I will try to condense the rest of the story cause there is enough crap in this period of my life to write a book.
About 15 years ago I started to have doubts that there was a God at all. At the time I was in advanced placement in most of my classes and was friends with a circle of girfted students. A few of them had taken the time to learn more about religion then myself and would often debate it. Slowly I started taking a greater interest in getting involved in the topics. After highschool I was leaning towards non belief , I had read the bible at least once and the Book of Mormon. I used to sit with the JW at lunch and listen to them talk about their religion and how they were raised and was shocked to hear just how controlled they were.
My sister and I wanted to take the same subject in college but she was younger then me so we talked and together planned it out that I would take soem time off before going to college and give her time to finish highschool. I took a year off and saved up more money. enough to buy a new car and take care of all the things my sister and I would need.
As it turned out life would not go according to our plans.
My sister was having pain in her hip. An X-Ray showed a growth and further tests revealed she had a tumor. The tumor continued to grow over the course of the next 9 months robbing her of her ability to walk and eventually her life. During this time my family was bilked out of thousands of dollars by a man selling a cure for cancer. I doubted the claims from the get go but my parents where not willing to give up.
As you can imagine the medication was a scam and did nothing to hult the cancer from growing. It was during this 9 months I for the first time I remembered in years praying. I prayed for the cancer to go away, for it to come to me instead. I prayed for my sister to alteast not have pain.
Two months before she passed my sister was married to her boyfriend. Everybody knew the end was near. This was the last time anyone would see my sister stand. Even though she had not stood in months she got out of her wheel chair to dance with our father.
The Night before she died I was in a small car accident. I was working late and it was the first snow fall of the year. 10 am the next morning I got the call to come home. When I arrived at my parents my father was crying and my mother was running around looking for something, as if there was a way to stop what was happening. I walked in, lay down beside my sister, looked her in the eyes and talked to her for the last 10 minutes she was alive. I watched her die looking her in the eyes. I had prayed so hard and wish so bad for this moment to not happen that I wanted to look through the windows of her soul and see even for a moment if there was anything on the otherside. There wasn't!
A priest came over at the request of some family members and started trying to console the family. This is moment was a defining moment in my life. When the priest came upto me I heard all the same old arguements. "She is in a better place" "Who knows the plan of God" Etc. After my uncle peeled my hands off the neck of the priest I went home and didn't leave for the rest of the day. Looking back on this moment I regret having attacked a man who was only trying to comfort the family.
The vile of medication I kept was tested and had the cancer curing power of polysporin. He left the province before charges could be laid.
Faith did nothing to change the out come and it never would have.
Some believe that my sisters own lack of belief was the cause and that she is burning in hell as a result of her rejection.
That is my introduction sorry if it was longer then needed.